Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
