Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
