I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
