gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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