is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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