Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
