This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
