It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
