I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
