He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
