Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
