apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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