foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
