I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
