thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
