Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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