OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
