You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
