So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
