yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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