Umm I'm too high to move.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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