did you get engaged???
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
