In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
