I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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