I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
