also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
well you can't waste a boner
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
