she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
