i don't plan on having that self control this summer
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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