She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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