I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
