we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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