He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
