I heard we made out
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
