so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
