You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
