She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
whose ass print is on the piano?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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