You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
