Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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