thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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