She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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