i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
