honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
