I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
