Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
