he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
