That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
