glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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