Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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