I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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