my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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