It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
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Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
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Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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