If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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