He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
