yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
