doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
A bitchslap is in order.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
