I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
