Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
