Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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