apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
