some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
