remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
