There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I want a musical about memes.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
