let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
only if we run a train.
done.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
