I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
thus making me awesome and them whores
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
