dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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