I wish I could teleport
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
being pregnant is like rehab
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
