I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
