not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
