Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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