ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
3pm strippers are depressing
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
