Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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