can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
