I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
