Moan for me like Helen Keller
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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