I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
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Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
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I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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